Are you sitting comfortably ? Good, then just to warn you this will be nothing like Ben's match report

Forget Gentle Ben - This is Rough Round The Edges Raspass !

The skipper won the toss(Again), then failed a fitness test. Not to worry a like for like in terms of good looks and athleticism was found - Enter Richard Chown

EB would bat first - Enter "Jolly" Joe and "Horny" Harry . Jolly fell early, having run far to many 2's for his liking. This brought "Did not trouble the scorers" DK - Who did exactly that

"Plod" along Paul H was next - and in true ronseal fashion.......say no more. A good EB crowd was gathering in the Hollies stand, or as it was duly named "Grandad Corner"

As the BBQ was started, Horny then became "Hungry" and chassed a wide one (But did get to have his burger)

"Smiley" Sachin then after a few cracking boundaries, then became less smiley as he threw his wicket away. "Pissed Off" Pramood then got really pissed off as he copied the exact same shot smiley did to depart

With the cans of fosters going down faster than a New Zealand bowler hammering through England - It was only fair that EB followed suit- as "Joker" Jude, "Pace Maker" Paul D and "Jail Bird" Jamie all fell quickly

Once Plod along became "Panting" Paul having run a 3 before getting out for a very well crafted 44

This brough EB's own chuckle brothers to the crease - "Road Runner" Richard Chown and "Brigadier" Barm.

Now words are hard to find to do this partnership justice - So we shall stick to facts - 36 Run Partnership , 3 Boundary's. 9.5 Overs faced and Barm (Yes Barm ) charging the final ball of the innings . And unbelieve effort from the pair, and what turned out to be a match winning partnership

EB finished 176-9

Tea was taken (As the BBQ food was all gone)

Now by this point i should really retire, as i didn't write these many words in my school exams

Onto the fielding (This i promise will be shorter)

Jail Bird and Pissed Off opened up, and it didn't take long for Jail Bird to become Pissed Off (Very !) as a glove behind was not noticed by the umpire. But Jail Bird had the last laugh as he sent one smashing into the stumps (Cant give those not out)

It was then a case of staying patient (To quote the famous "Pink Punters" Pumps) as Royal Herts ensured the didn't defend many balls. Smiley then claimed 2 quick wickets. Horny, and a very impressive did not trouble the scorers taking a very good catch

Brigadier then ensured he climbed to the top wicket taker in the division with 3 more wickets- Not long before he becomes and all rounder

Horny then nearly became "Hatchet" Harry as he got his wicket (Once he calmed down) - Pace Maker taking the first of 2 catches for him

Then finally it was left to Plod along Harris to become Hoover Harris and clean up the last 3 wickets

EB winning by 56 runs !

A massive thanks to an almighty crowd - Braddon Clan, Pearson Clan, Pumps And Neil, Amy Rocko And Stanley, Ozzie, Mandeep , Bernie & Son

So to end this essay, the message is clear - Do well at school kids , or your always be chasing the Ben Nye's of this world

Next Up - Away vs Old Albanian

Match Report Written By Adam Raspass